This is the end

When I started this blog in November of 2011 I thought the idea of becoming a famous blogger was pretty cool. Well, I've come to the point where I don't want that anymore.

Ever since I started having trouble with WW last year it's been very hard to come up with things to write about. Many times I've thought to myself 'I should stop writing my blog because it's just too difficult' and then I sleep on it or think about it until the idea goes away. So far I've taken the easy way out; keeping the blog open.

It's been a really hard decision, but I've decided to close my blog down. I will keep it open so people can see the progress so far, but I am going to stop posting to it. I may come back at some point, I may not. It's very up in the air right now. Twitter will stay open and so will my Facebook page. I may post my progress to them instead of blog.

Thank you to everyone who has been on my journey with me. It's been a good ride. For the time being my weight loss journey is going to be personal and private. If you wish to stay up on my photography you can follow my photography blog, photography Facebook page and/or my photography Twitter.

Thank you all so much, it's been a privilege and an honor.

As always thank you for reading.

Off the path just for a bit

So I mentioned on Facebook that I'm off the path again. Well, that's with conditions.

One week ago today I had 3 medical procedures done. They were all pretty invasive, so I'm still recovering. I've been rebuilding my strength so I've been afraid to eat less. Well that's all done. I started back on the plan today. Don't know if or how much I may have gained. I don't plan on weighing in for at least another week.

So, I'll of course keep you all in the loop.

As always, thank you for reading.

Nothing to say

I promised I'd blog weekly again, no matter how little I have to say. I have nothing ground breaking or major to say.

• I gained a pound, but I had a high point day (on plan) the day before and I had just eaten lunch. 
• I've started to eat Avocados as a meal. YUM! 
• I still feeling great. 
• Still on plan. 
• Still taking my vitamins. 

Otherwise, move along folks, nothing to see here.

Thank you for reading.

Star Wars Day 2013

So happy Star Wars Day! May the 4th be with you! I am not afraid to let my geek flag fly!

Here are my thoughts for the week.

• Eating two Angus Deluxe snack wraps at McDonald's is three more points than a Angus Deluxe by itself. I usually order a snack wrap with a fruit and yogurt parfait, but they didn't have any berries, so I ordered two of the snack wraps. Not a good decision.
• I'm thinking about freezing chocolates because it will require me to really take my time to eat them frozen. I <3 the Weight Watchers Dark Chocolates.
• I found out that I lost 2.6 this week. So good to be on the way down. 27.4 pounds more to go til I can pick up where I left off
• Frace is good stuff and it's easy on points. It's fat free & sugar free soft serve frozen yogurt.
• It's just like old times in regards to Weight Watchers. So good to be back
• The single serve Skinny Cow ice creams are awesome! They're only four points! It's enough to keep me from buying a pint of the higher point stuff. If I bought a pint of the higher point stuff it lead to me eating the entire thing. Sharing a higher point version would work too.
• I still think my vitamins are keeping me on plan. If I don't take them I feel like pigging out uncontrollably.
• I survived my first charity walk. I walked three miles in memory of my Grandson in the March of Dimes March for Babies.
• I went on my first hike of the year. 30 pounds really makes a big difference.
• I need to track when I eat because if I don't I may forget to track something
• "The Place Beyond the Pines" is a good movie. Yes, it's not weight loss related, however, I am proud that such a good movie was shot here in the Capital Region. Thought it was worth a mention.

That's all.

Thank you for reading!

Plan of attack

Not sure how to format this post so I'm just going to put it all out there.

• Once I started taking my vitamins my voracious appetite went away.
• If I'm hungry between meals I'll eat one of those no sugar added fruit cups packed in water with some baby carrots
• It feels so good to be back on plan
• I've been weighing myself on different scales, that don't agree, so I really don't have any official weight loss yet, but I think I have lost some weight
• I'll be going to a meeting Monday
• I feel like I did before I started to have trouble.
• As I said on Twitter, I'm getting excited about losing weight again.

As promised, here I am!

So this is the report for this week.

• I started back on Weight Watchers a week ago today (Yay!)
• I haven't gained any weight since last week! (Yay!)
• Today, when I told my Doctor (Who's really a nurse practicioner) I had gained 30 pounds she said "We have to get that off you." (I agree)
• I see my Doctor again in three months and her goal for me is to lose 10 pounds. That's less than a pound a week. (I think I can do that)
• I told my Doctor I had lower back pain, which I thought was something else, but she confirmed it's only just me being fat (how disappointing)
• My Doctor and I discussed that my meds may be causing my weight gain, but we'll see. (I hope that doesn't happen)
• I ate like crazy today, then again. my Mom's been in town and I tend to eat like crazy when she's around no matter where I see her. (but that's no excuse)
• I'm working on formulating a way to get myself to stay away from temptation
• I'm going to start walking again soon (Maybe tomorrow)
• I have a charity walk to participate in next weekend and I'm afraid I can't do the entire 3 miles (I'll take my sweet time if I have to. It might be a serious wake up call.)

That's all!

Thank you for reading!

Rock bottom

I'm at 290 and this is where it ends. There is no way I'm going into the 300s. I've gained 30 pounds and I am so ashamed and feel like such a failure. I could blame it on my medication or I could blame it on stress. All I need to do is just take responsibility and stop.

When I started this blog I wanted to be as frank as possible and show my trials and tribulations and ups and down without holding back. Well, in the last six months I've been holding so much back and I feel like such a  phony.

I've been quiet lately because I've slowly been gaining weight. I hate how I posted so many false starts, that makes me feel like a big phony too.

For now on I will be posting every week and tell exactly what is happening. I will report if I'm eating like crazy, I will post if I gained and I will be reporting on how I feel. Even if it's only a few sentences. I will be more accountable. I probably should go to a meeting too.

This may be another false start, but I'm going to have to try.

As always thanks for reading.

Been kinda quiet

I don't know if anyone has noticed that I've been quiet. Without looking at my blog I don't know how long I've gone without posting something.

Quite frankly, blogging has become a chore. I'm just not feeling it. However, I'm not ready to sign off yet because I have extenuating circumstances. So, for an indefinite period of time I will not be posting every week. Don't count me out, I just won't be posting every week.

So, don't give up on me. Keep me on your Twitter and Facebook and anywhere else you hear from me. I will be back. Thank you all for hanging in and thank you for your patience ahead of time. I do plan on coming back weekly, however, I am taking this time now so I don't burn out. You will hear from me! Thank you.

As always, thank you for reading.

The Oscar Epiphany

So...

I've been struggling a lot lately. My eating has been crazy, I've been feeling sorry for myself and making excuses. I haven't stepped on a scale in a while and I didn't see any end in sight. I haven't been to a meeting in a few weeks either. So many times I wanted to give up in the last few weeks. I even wanted to stop blogging.

Well, tonight, while watching The Oscars tonight I had an amazing epiphany.

Being the musical lover I am, I was excited when John Travolta came on the stage and told about the musical number with Catherine Zeta-Jones, Jennifer Hudson and the stars of the movie Les Miserables. I figured it would be a wonderful tribute to modern movie musicals.

When Jennifer Hudson's part of the number came on they showed short snippets of the movie Dreamgirls. Immediately after that flash of her in the movie she started to sing.

I cried like a baby.

Yes, "And I Am Telling You I'm Not Going". is a very emotional song. However, for me, it was more. Something clicked in my head once again.

The clip of the movie reminded me who she was, that beautiful young overweight woman who sang like nobody's business on American Idol who was voted off way too early who then went on to then become to win a Grammy award for her debut album, and won an Oscar for her role in Showgirls. Watching her sing on the Oscars reminded me of the woman who she is now, after losing all of that weight and becoming a Weight Watchers spokesperson. It reminded me that she was the reason that I started Weight Watchers; that I connected with those "new day" commercials she was in in 2011. Those commercials that launched me on this journey.

Through the tears, I remembered how good it felt to be all about Weight Watchers when I started the program. I remembered how great it was, although I wasn't at my goal weight, to be speaking as a success story in March of 2012. I remembered how good it felt as the pounds went away. I remembered how good it felt as my clothes got looser and got into smaller sizes. I remembered how good those non-scale victories felt. I remembered how great it felt to ride a roller coaster again in 2011. I remember how great it felt to sit on the floor comfortably to play with my Granddaughter for the first time this past September. I remember how good the journey felt and how it can feel good again. I remembered why I started on this journey and I decided I'm not about to go back. There's too much road ahead I have to cover. So many non-scale victories to achieve. So many things I want to do and keep doing.

What an amazing moment to get me out of my funk.

It's a new day!

Thank you for reading!

My real age

So, I just took a "Real age test". It said my "real age" is 40.9. That's fine because I will be turning 40 later this year. However, know that I took that same quiz years ago when I was really heavy and my real age was ten years older than I really was. That number freaked me out a bit, but it didn't make me change anything. I've come a long way. Amazing what changing your weight can do for you. That's all I've got for you.

Thank you for reading.

Sometimes you just can't

It's been often said that losing weight is not easy. Well, sometimes life is not easy either and can seem pretty insurmountable. There are days I feel like I'm not worthy having you all read my every word. There are some days I feel very vulnerable and I feel like letting it all hang out is too much.

I know you're all out there cheering me on and I appreciate it. However, know that I'm not Superwoman.

My life has been less than stellar since November and there seems to be a never ending black cloud over my life. Part of that black cloud is something I can't come out and talk about on my blog. Although I pour my heart out on my blog week after week there are some things that I will never talk about. However, there is one thing that I want to talk about so badly, but it could completely change what people think about me

That thing is something that can literally put my life at risk and could destroy my life. Keep in mind that the talking about it could not destroy my life or put my life at risk, it's the thing that would. It's something that would be considered brave to talk about. That thing can really tear me apart and the treatment can cause me to gain weight, it can also increase my appetite.

So, when you see my accomplishments keep in mind that I've had way more than just overeating to overcome. I've had to overcome this other medical problem. My medical problem did not flare up til March of last year and that is where I started having problems. My medical problem can be fine for years. In fact, it was fine for many years and now, it's left me in shambles once again.

I haven't stepped on a scale since I proclaimed my 16 pound gain. So, I don't know if I've gained or lost. If I've done anything I've either gained or stayed the same because I'm still on maintenance. Right now I feel I need to get this medical problem under control before I worry about anything else because stress can exacerbate the problem.

So. I'll mull over if I should talk about my medical problem on here or not. It could make for an interesting post. However, I don't know if it's worth the risk


Thank you so much for reading.

Are you getting enough sleep?

Yes, this is a weight loss issue. Believe it or not, the lack of sleep can cause you to gain weight. According to WebMD:

If you’re feeling sleepy at work, you may be tempted to reach for a cup of coffee (or several cups) and a doughnut for a quick shot of energy. Later you may skip the gym and pick up takeout on your way home to your family -- no time to cook. When you finally find yourself back in your bed, you are too wound up to sleep.

It’s a vicious cycle, and eventually this sleep deprivation can sabotage your waistline and your health.

I've read so many articles about sleep because I have trouble falling asleep, so I figured I'd give my advice on how to fall asleep and get a good night's sleep. I don't follow all of these, but the ones I do follow work quite well:

• Relaxation techniques, like using aroma therapy, relaxing music, guided imagery, etc works well to help you relax to fall asleep and get a good night's sleep.

• Not ingesting any caffeine after 3pm is a good rule of thumb to help you fall asleep.

• If you have a routine before you go to bed your brain will know it's time to sleep. For example, having a cup of herbal tea, designed to make you sleepy, before you go to bed will signal your brain that it's time to go to sleep.

• Turning off electronic devices like TVs and computers at least an hour before you go to bed helps your brain to shut down so you can fall asleep.

• Temperature can be an issue. Your body temp needs to go down before you can fall asleep.

• While darkness really helps in falling asleep, getting enough light can be an issue also. Your body knows it's time to sleep after it gets so much light. I assume that's natural light.

• Also going to bed at the same time every night supposedly works.

• Camomile tea can work too, but be careful, just a few weeks ago it kept me up.

On a personal note: 

• I know my insomnia and low quality of sleep for a while was because of my husband's snoring, I now wear earplugs. I sleep much more soundly

• I also can't get a good night's sleep when there's too much light. I have to have a really dark room to sleep. Even the light from an alarm clock can keep you up. Either wear a sleep mask or just set your alarm clock and then block the display with something. All you need to do is hear it go off in the morning. Also, if you don't want get a sleep mask, a vertically folded t-shirt over your eyes works nicely. 

• Also, I know if a room is too quiet it can keep me up. Running a fan or getting a sound machine can help. I know that when the fan gets turned off in the fall I can have trouble sleeping.  

• I know that sometimes being too cold can be a problem too. My cold feet can keep my up, so I wear socks.    

• Also, for some reason I need something on me to fall asleep, even if it's just a sheet.    

And from the "It's not in anything I've read, but it works, so why not?" file:
  
I know sometimes having my husband come in until I relax and fall asleep really helps. He can just sit on the edge of the bed quietly and it works. Sometimes I also rest my cheek on him if he's sleeping in the bed with me, and for some reason that helps me relax too. I think it has something to do with his rhythmic breathing when he's sleeping. 
   
When I was really heavy I would snore and thank God I don't snore anymore. Even if I haven't lost all of my weight I feel like I've accomplished something great that I've lost enough weight to stop snoring. 

So that's all I've got, thank you for reading!

January Update

Well, I really don't have much to say. I've got a post in the works, but it's not ready yet, so I'll give a quick update.

As I've said before, my Doctor's scale does not match Weight Watchers' scales. I went to my meeting this past week and I've officially gained 16 pounds. I had previously reported I gained 14 according to my Doctor's scale. However, when I weighed myself at the Doctor it was in the morning and I hadn't eaten anything. At the meeting it was in the evening and I had just had dinner about an hour previous, so that could have been the difference. I usually weigh myself in the evening at meetings anyway and when I go to those meetings I haven't eaten dinner yet.

Regardless, I have 16 pounds I have to get rid of. I still have lost more than my leader, but I'm a little less than halfway. I will not be changing any numbers because in essence I have lost 128 pounds. That number will not start going up again until I lose these 16 pounds I gained.

On the other hand, maybe I should change the numbers. Something to think about. Anybody have an opinion? Should I take 16 pounds away from my 128 pounds lost or should I leave it as is?

Anyway. That's all for now.

Thank you for reading.

Surveying the damage by the numbers

Hi all! I'm back! In case you didn't see it on Facebook and  Twitter, I started back on WW Monday. I weighed myself on Tuesday, so I have a starting point. I am going to a meeting this coming week. Since the dust has settled and out of curiosity I've been thinking about the numbers.

Here is the damage:

 

Points added back to my daily points: 4

(I was in the 30s and now I'm in the 40s)

Months since I fell off the wagon: 6    Sizes I've gone up: 2  ( from barely a 20 to a not too bad 24)  

Net pounds gained since July: 14 

(average of 1.3 pounds gained a week)
Current weight: 271
 

So there you have it! It's amazing how much difference 14 pounds make. I definitely feel a difference in my body. I'm looking forward to getting back down so movement isn't so difficult and I don't have to take an acid reducer pill everyday. Going back on WW has also helped me emotionally. My emotions were all over the place, but now I'm getting back to "normal".  I don't have too many blog ideas, so I don't know if I'll necessarily be posting once a week like I was, but I'm gonna try!

As always thanks for reading (and for hanging in there while I was away).