So, I gained

Yeah, it's just a tiny bit. I gained .6. I know it's not a big deal. Just wanted to share and show it's not all perfectly paved roads, no speed limit and no traffic on my weight loss journey. I do put on a good front and I've been told I'm a very positive person, but sometimes I have bad days. I'm not going to hide my bad days because I want this blog to be as real as possible. I want to chronicle my ups and downs on my journey. Sometimes you have to get through some rough road to get to your destination. Trust me, I've traveled the country,Canada and Mexico and I've traveled pretty much every way possible. I've had my share of rough rides but it was all worth it to get where I was going.

I know what I did wrong. Sunday I had a lot of weeklies left, we're talking 20+. I pigged out. I drank a lot of soda this weekend too, at least 60ozs (all diet). That means that I probably retained water. I very rarely drink soda. Funny thing is another WW member said how she did the same thing the weekend before last and it was a disastrous weigh in for her last week. If she hadn't said that I might not had known what I did wrong. Proof that meetings work!

Like I said in a previous post I go every other week to meetings because I like to see a larger loss. I also want to be able to absorb any gains. For example. I might lose 2 pounds this week and if I hadn't gone tonight it would mean I'd have a 1.4 loss this coming Monday.

Last week our leader encouraged us to get rid of our fat clothes and one of my fellow WWers offered me some 2X clothes. Well, I got them tonight. She gave me some really cute stuff. I actually tried to put the size 20 jeans on to see how much further I had to go. The important word is "tried". My calves are too big to fit into the lower part of the pants legs. Guess I have a bit further to go.


Tonight I showed my "before" pictures, the 385 lb pictures, to my Leader and one of the receptionists. The other receptionist probably reads my blog, we're online friends, so I didn't show them to her. My leader and the receptionist were blown away. I still can't get over it.

I'm not giving up. Just a bump in the road. I've been through far worse. Probably more than you might think. I'm a survivor.

Before and after part 1

On the left, me from October 2009, 385, and on the right, Me from Friday night 282. Really puts in all in to perspective.

The 100 lb celebration

So, I have been looking forward to the 100 lb celebration for long time. I've had my good friend AJ on standby for the last month so she could get together the Friday after I hit the 100lb mark. Good thing she was available. Hubby was of course there too. He wouldn't miss it for anything and I can't imagine celebrating without him.

We celebrated at my favorite pub. We drank Lambic (lam-beak) or (lam-bick), my favorite Belgian beer. We had my favorite flavor, framboise, which is raspberry in French. We had the big wine bottle size, so we shared it. I'm not a big drinker and I don't hold my liquor very well. I actually drank about twice what I had at Christmas and New Year's. My husband and AJ kept insinuating I was drunk and of course I denied it every time. I was feeling pretty good. I had a case of the giggles, that's for sure. 

So you've been waiting to see them. Well, at least I have. So here they are, the 50/100 lb pictures:

When I got home Friday night I was comparing my before WW pictures (that were taken 54.8 lbs ago) to the 50/100 pictures in the camera and I didn't see a difference. I was so disappointed. I went to "point up" and I opened my food tracker on the WW official site. I always love looking at the E-tools on WW's website. However, looking at them that night really hurt. It reminded me of how hard I'd worked. Since I didn't see any difference in my before WW pictures compared to my 50/100 pictures, It really upset me. I said "I give up!" and slammed my laptop closed without turning it off for the night, which is rare. It's rather hard to slam my laptop shut because my laptop closes kinda slowly. Maybe I should say I "Closed my laptop abruptly". Anyway, I stormed off to get ready for bed. After I was ready for bed I went straight to bed without saying good night to my husband, which is very rare.

As I laid in bed all that kept going through my head was "After all that work!" and "It's not worth it!" and things like that. At that point I didn't think there was no way out or it was the end. However, I was very upset. I just couldn't see the difference, I was tired, and like I said, I don't hold my liquor very well. As I fell asleep my brain kinda knew it would be better in the morning.

Well, it was better in the morning. I downloaded the pictures from that night from my camera on to my laptop. I then put the WW before pictures side by side with the 50/100 pictures. That morning I saw a difference.I definitely see the difference with the 385 pictures, that's a no brainer. I'm very proud of myself. I will soldier on. I will not give up. It's just very ironic that I had a breakdown on such a special night. I was supposed to be celebrating my success and I almost gave it all up. It's been pretty smooth sailing so far.

Hopefully the "halfway" celebration, in about 20 lbs, will have better results. I'll try not to drink so much and pay attention to when my glass is being filled! Friday night Hubby had topped my glass off and I didn't even know it! . Regardless, it was a great night. I felt very special and got to celebrate with some very special people. Thank you to everyone who has supported me and cheered me on. Thank you to all who made Friday night special. It was lots of fun. It was wonderful to share it with Hubby and AJ.Thank you to hubby for spending all the money and being there. Thank you to AJ for giving me a heartfelt card and a gift and for being there! A special thank you to Jim and Laurie Mahar for taking VERY good care of us.

I have at lot of 'doing lunch' coming up to see old friends I haven't seen in a while. I've been putting it off until I reached the 50/100 lb mark. Looking forward to celebrating with them. Can't wait to keep celebrating 'til I come out from under all of this fat.

The picture you have got to see!!

It's not the 50/100 pictures but it's just about as good!

I got the laptop I use almost exactly one year ago. It was a gift from my Mom. I was playing with the webcam tonight taking pictures of myself because of the outfit I am wearing. I'm wearing polkadots with a busy print, it's pretty crazy. So when I looked at the old pictures I had taken when I first got the computer I found this:

I was horrified. I couldn't believe it! This picture was from Jan 2011, ten months after I had started losing weight in March of 2010. What the hell did I do to myself!? Did I really let myself go that far?! THAT'S NOT ME!!!! Looking at that is like a freaking out of body experience.

Compare that with this taken today.

 

I'm just flabbergasted.

Oh and this is the outfit I'm wearing...

And for the record I didn't wear that in public! I was putting on a fashion show for my Mom and Aunt on Skype and I just wanted to show how well the jacket fit.

50/100 pictures coming Saturday! Stay tuned! Thanks for reading!

It was a Weight Watchers kind of day

My Leader gives colored paperclips for every five pounds you lose. My WW total weight loss, before last night, was 50.8. Last night when I announced my 102.6 lb overall loss at the meeting, she put the little cup of colored paperclips next to me and said "Take as many as you want." Now keep in mind she's been giving me one for every five pounds I have lost on WW. In theory I should have 10, right? Well, I've lost them all. So, I mentioned that I had lost the ones she gave me and she encouraged me to take enough for 100 lbs. So here they are:

20 paperclips for 100 lbs! I am going to start to wear them to my meeting as soon as it is big enough.. It's not quite long enough yet. Maybe in ten pounds. I will carry them to every meeting now.

I brought those paperclips to work to show them to my co-workers. One of my fellow co-workers is a  WWer too. After showing my paperclips around I had to go to my desk to get logged in and ready for my work day. I hung the paperclips in the crack between the counters that are above my desk. I smiled every time I looked at them.  However, paperclips aren't too uncommon where I work.

There are lots of office supplies where I work. I've been working in call centers for five years. You'd be surprised what I can hear when people call in. My favorite is the sound of a flushing toilet. I think it's pretty hilarious. (I have a strange sense of humor). I once took a phone call while a guy was in the shower. He called in and said he was calling from the shower. I could hear the shower and I could tell I was on speaker, so I believed him. He sounded cute too;) I've heard many things while on calls. I've heard just about everything that is a sound you would have going on behind you when you're on the phone: people talking, dishes clanking, doors opening and closing, pets, traffic, bus engines, music, etc.

Today while I was on the phone I heard TWO WW commercials. First it was the Charles Barkley one, then on another call it was one of the Jennifer Hudson ones. Sounded like the caller muted the Jennifer commercial too! I get so excited when I see those commercials. Granted, Jennifer Hudson is starting to get a tiny bit annoying because she's on all the time. However, it makes me proud to be a part of something like Weight Watchers. So cool to be associated with Jennifer Hudson and Charles Barkley!

Jennifer Hudson is the reason I started WW. Well, that and the fact I was tired of being so fat. Those "It's a new day" commercials really inspired me. Now, here I am, 54.8 pounds later, 102.6 overall of course;) I've come a long way.

The big 1-0-2. 6

I did it! I reached the 100 pound mark. Well, actually I blew past it by 2.6 pounds! 102.6! So, I've now lost 54.8 on WW! Yes, I lost 4 pounds in a week. I have no idea how. I ate every point I had last week!

50/100 lb pictures probably will be taken on Friday night. I'll post them to my Weight Loss Timeline ASAP, when I'm not too busy celebrating with my husband and two of my friends that night. I will also be celebrating with as many friends as possible in the next few weeks. Gonna be making lots of lunch plans. I will be celebrating with my stepchildren, stepson in law, granddaughter and husband on Thursday!

Yay me! So proud of myself! 

Thanks for reading!

Life at 385: Clothing

So, my least favorite thing when I was at 385, clothing. I was a 30/32 at my biggest and on the higher end of a 30/32. According to Lane Bryant's size guide, that's a 52 inch waist and a 60 inch hip. In other words, my hips were five feet around. That's five inches shorter than I am tall! I remember when I officially became a 30/32. I had been shopping at Lane Bryant and I couldn't find anything to fit. I didn't take it as a warning flag. I just kept on going like I was. I was in denial.

The dress from Love Your Peaches.

When I was thinner I had a great fashion sense. I had lots of options. I remember shopping in stores like The Gap and The Limited as a teenager. When I was at my highest weight, because I was a 30/32, my choices were very limited. Basically the only places I could shop, in person, were Catherine's, which tends to be pretty expensive frumpy and old, and Fashion Bug which tends to be either too trendy or too old or even frumpy. Hey, with the body I had how could I expect clothes to look good on me? Ironically, I hate to shop from a catalog or the Internet. I like to try clothes on. However I did luck out in 2009 when I bought a dress for my Stepdaughter's wedding at Love Your Peaches.

Getting t-shirts at concerts, tourist attractions, theater shows, and with my favorite sports teams on them was interesting. I have a 3X National Baseball Hall Of Fame t-shirt. 3X was a rare find and it fit me perfectly. It was the only t-shirt that fit me perfectly. I would always have to buy 2X shirts and stretch them, by hand. I would enlist my husband's help in stretching them. He'd be on one side and I'd be on the other. One of my favorite t-shirts wasn't stretched properly so the logo is off center.  Don't wear it too often so it basically was a waste of money.

My National Baseball HOF Shirt

Even if I stretched the 2X shirts they still didn't fit me properly.  If you look at the picture with me, my husband, Bugs and Daffy, you can see me with my Red Sox/Schilling shirt on. You can see how it fits me. It's not very long and it was hugging my gut. I was constantly pulling down my t-shirts. I even sometimes hiked up my jeans to make up for the shortness of the shirt. That of course made me look even bigger. Some of the T-shirts barely covered my stomach and when I wore them I was self conscious all day and kept pulling them down. I don't know how I tolerated that. When I sat on our couch and I'd learn forward to reach for something or use my laptop, my shirts would creep up on me. I'd pull them down but after a while I just gave up.

Me and my Red Sox/Schilling t-shirt

I hated, and still hate, my legs. They were so big and, this might be TMI, but it was really hard to shave them. I tried some 32 pants on in Catherine's and they fit nicely, except for the calves. I didn't leave with anything that night. I hated my legs so much I would wear nothing but long skirts, pants and long dresses. I expect my hemlines to go up in time.

With the exception of sneakers, which I never have liked wearing no matter what size I am, I've only been wearing Birkenstock clogs and sandals for shoes for the last six and a half years. I do wear boots in the winter. Birkenstocks are so easy to put on and so comfy, even if I walk a little funny wearing them! When I wear sneakers I have more of a bounce in my step. As I mention here, sneakers and socks were difficult to put on and even tie. I gave up on my favorite shoes, my zip up cowboy ankle boots, in 2005  because I couldn't zip them up anymore because my ankles were so big. That was at about 77 lbs before 385. I still have them and I have yet to try them on. That will be a milestone.

Right now it's nice to be at a size where I don't have to stretch anything out and there is at least one size above my current size. It's also nice to be a size that is widely available in stores like Old Navy, Target, L.L Bean and Coldwater Creek. It makes me feel more 'normal'. Eventually, it will be great to be in a size that is even more widely available. I'm almost in to an XL shirt. My Montreal Expos Jersey that hasn't fit me in like ten years is an XL and my next clothing milestone. I'm almost there.  Right now I'm smack dab in the middle of the plus sizes. At least I'm no longer on the higher end. Before I know it I'll be in 'normal' sizes. Next year at this time, if I keep progressing like I am now, I'll be close to being in the 100's and close to being out of the plus sizes. Stay tuned! Thanks for reading.

What's in the works

Note: the first paragraph has little to do with anything about weight loss or body image or anything I've talked about on this blog .Just feel like setting the mood, You can just skip it;-p

So here I am, sitting on the couch with my laptop. Snuggled up in my red plaid pajama pants, comfy slate blue sweatshirt from when I worked at Great Escape, Red Sox/Ortiz t-shirt, and dark pink fuzzy polka-dotted socks with green and blue dots on them. I answered the door a little while ago, I must have been a sight! I decided not to go anywhere today because it's supposed to be snowing all day today and we were supposed to get like six inches of snow. Our first major snow fall since that freak storm in October on the day I was planning on riding that roller coaster for the first time. Well, it stopped snowing a long time ago and there's about two inches on the ground. Not that I'm complaining.  It is, after all, January in New York State and since I've been a resident of this state for almost all of the years of my life. I should know that by now. However, it is a nice break after the horrible winter we had last year when I thought it was never going to stop snowing.

I don't have anything insightful or deep to say this weekend. I think I used that all up on Thursday.  However, might publish some stuff tonight or tomorrow. Just wanted to say that I have some stuff in the works. I'm still working on that "Life at 385" series. Also working on a series of interviews with various people I know on the web who have lost weight. The most exciting part of what's coming up is that my Weight Watchers leader has agreed to an interview! I need to set up a date and time because she's not on the 'net. I'm also trying to get the receptionists and even some of my fellow meeting members in on this interview thing.

I still have a few other things in the works but I'm not as excited about them as I am with the interview series and the "Life at 385" series. I'll be going to a meeting Monday night to see if I hit the 100 lb. mark. I usually go every other week but this is a special occasion. I think I will actually hit the 100 lb mark. If I do, there will be much rejoicing on my blog, Twitter and anywhere else I am on the web where I can post about it, like Blog To Lose and of course the Official Weight Watchers site.

You'll of course see my 50/100 pictures and I'll tell about celebrating with my family and friends. We'll be heading to see our friends Jim and Laurie over at Mahar's in Castleton. They've got some Lambic, my favorite beer, on hold for me! They're pretty darned awesome people. I like the Castleton Mahar's because the Albany one gets to darned crowded and loud.

So, enough of my rambling. Off to write some more. Gotta finish up the questions for the interviews and write some more of the "Life at 385". 'Til next time, thank you for reading.

The Fenway picture on my desk at work

Update: I thought The Tragically Hip were still my favorite band untill January 21, 2012. I've been losing my love for them for a while and today it was confirmed. I still like them. They're just not one of my favorite things anymore.

So, today was a particuarly stressful day at work. However, amongst the paperwork, phone calls, note taking, envelope stuffing and other miscellaneous stuff I do at work I had a revelation.

Fenway 2008

You see. There's a picture on my desk at work. It's a picture of my husband and I at Fenway Park on our "Honeymoon/First Anniversary" trip in 2008. We couldn't afford a Honeymoon when we got married. Long story.

Anyway...

It's the only picture on my desk. I am a temp and I don't want to go all crazy. I did that once and I regretted it later. Don't ask. Let's just say I walked in with about six things and walked out with four. So that was my favorite picture of myself and my husband. I considered upgrading it with a picture from 2009. That's a picture of my husband and I with Gord Downie, lead singer of The Tragically Hip, standing between us.

2009

I don't even want to use that picture either! I really dislike both of those pictures. So how did two of my favorite pictures of my husband and I become so disliked?

I can't stand to look at myself in them.

Yep. Yes, I'm beaming in both of them and so is my husband. The pictures incorporate three of my favorite things: My Husband, The Red Sox and The Tragically Hip. However, the pictures are reminders of my old habits. That woman in those pictures was very unhealthy and unhappy. I thought that since I met my husband my life has been great. However, there have been a few major changes in my life in the last two years that have made my life pretty much perfect, working a job in a great environment, becoming a Grandmother and the two most important ones, losing weight and joining Weight Watchers seven and half months ago.

So losing weight is giving me my life back. I had no idea my life was so miserable. I had forgotten how great life can be! Before starting to lose weight I was happy with being uncomfortably overweight. I wasn't taking care of myself when all of these years I thought I was looking out for my best interest. I was letting food and my bad health control my life.

When I was younger I had a bad relationship where I was abused. I broke it off with him and bought myself a solitare (fake) diamond ring. It was a promise to myself to be true to myself and not go back to him. I needed to take care of myself, because I wasn't. Staying with him certainly wasn't helping anything either. Well sadly enough, after all of these years, I slipped into that rut again. Don't get me wrong, my husband is the most wonderful man ever. He treats me like a Queen. However, I was abusing myself. I broke that promise I made to myself all those years ago.

So, tomorrow when I go to work I think I'm going to put that picture of my husband and I at Fenway in my drawer. It's just too painful to look at. I've come so far from those days. To think, my peak was 385 lbs. before I started to lose weight almost two years ago. Amazing what a difference almost two years can make. Yes, in the grand scheme of things two years is not that long. However, weight loss is pretty slow and to see such a difference in myself in such a "short" time is amazing.

October 30, 2011

I think I'll print the picture of my husband and I from Oct 30, 2011, the day I rode a roller coaster for the first time I six years! The picture was taken at the ride where I met my husband, the Bumper Cars and it was post-roller coaster ride. That day was wonderful. I felt freedom I hadn't felt in years!  So happy my life has changed for the better. I'm so proud of myself for the first time in many years. I'd better keep it up or I'll have myself to answer to.

SOPA Blackout, PLEASE READ!

So I am now wishing that I had participated in the SOPA blackout today. So, in order to raise awareness I will give you this to think about:

The video is long but it's very important to freedom of speech and the future of the Internet! We can't let this happen! Sites like Facebook, Twitter, Flickr, Wikipedia, and even Blogger could go down and be unavailable to Americans because of SOPA! Contact your Senators! If you're outside of the US contact the US State Department.You can also sign this petition:

https://www.google.com/landing/takeaction/

Let your voice be heard! Let's stop this! Thank you!

Just a note: The big 5-0 (.8)

So I did it. I hit the 50 lbs mark on WW tonight, 50.8 to be exact.. I am exactly 1.2 lbs from the 100lb mark overall. Getting ready to par-tay. Then within twenty pounds of the 100 lb mark I'll be at the halfway mark!

Just a note: Oprah and her little red fat wagon

I haven't been a big Oprah fan since some time in the 90's. However, I was huge fan in the 80's.

Do you remember that Oprah episode where Oprah wheeled out the little red wagon with 67 pounds of fat on it? I was within normal weight for my height when that show was on. I was floored. Sad thing is, when I started to lose, I had 3.2 bags on me. Now I have 2.1

So happy to be changing my life!

You can see the video on Oprah.com here

Just a note: Trouble on horizon update

If you follow me on Twitter or my Facebook feed, which is basically my Twitter feed on FB, you know more than what I post here. So, just in case you didn't know, I am doing better. I am back in my rhythm with WW. I needed to drink more water. Note to self for future reference, don't slack off on the water again! I also have started eating more fruit and lower point WW dinners for lunch at work. I'm back to having more points in the evening for dinner. So far so good. No longer close to falling off the wagon. Thank God.

Life at 385: Bed

Sounds like a tantalizing title, eh? Well, not gonna be. Read more.

So when I was at my highest weight I would snore. I also would do something my husband calls "loud breathing". It was a hotly contested topic some nights. My husband sometimes would have to sleep on the futon in our living room so he could get away from my snoring. He could hear me through a closed door! Keep in mind we live in a very small house and the doors and walls are very thin. I used to snore and wake myself up too.

My husband said that at my heaviest I would suck him into the center of the bed because I would weigh the bed down so much. I guess I tend to sleep near the center of the bed. As my husband says "You're not exactly an edge of the bed sleeper". Our bed is a full size.

When I put my sneakers on sitting on the edge of the bed it was a production. I would have to pull my leg up by my pant leg and then proceed to put the sneaker on. I had so much of a gut and my legs were so big that I could barely sit up straight to put the sneakers on. I could barely touch the laces to tie them. I basically tied them with my finger tips almost. No wonder I hate wearing sneakers and wear my Birkenstocks all the time. Yes, even in the winter. No, not with socks.

 When I was at my heaviest it was so hard to roll over in bed. I had to get momentum to roll over. I had to give myself the old "heave ho".

When I would put my arm around my husband in bed he would always move it to his stomach. It was too heavy to rest it on him because he couldn't breathe.

Also I was a blanket hog at my biggest. I needed more blanket because there was so much of me! I'll be even better covered as I get smaller!

I don't have those problems anymore! I sleep better too.

Life at 385: Walking

So, I've mentioned in various posts what life was like at my highest weight, 385lbs. I wanted to do an entire post about what life was like at that weight. Then, I realized I had too much to say. It would be a ridiculously long blog entry and people probably stop reading and wouldn't make it to the end. So I've decided to do series of posts about "Life at 385". No, don't worry. Nothing like that time consuming/writing on the fly 12 Days of  Christmas thing I did. I'm gonna take my time on this series. However, it will have a "reference material" page just like the 12 Days of Christmas posts did. Some of the things in this new series of posts you may have heard before. Some of them you may have not. I just wanted all of my 385lb info all in one place. Eventually all of the 385lb entries will be accessible via my label cloud in the left column of my blog. So here goes, today's topic is walking.

When I walked at 385, I waddled and I couldn't put my arms down by my side because I was just so fat. My Mom's best friend says that I would grunt while I walked at my highest weight.  I also used to sit down a lot and I would walk slowly. I was also out of breath very easily.

Summer of 2010 I did some photography for the band Moxie. It was a hot day in June and we were walking around downtown Albany. I couldn't keep up. Granted, I'm shorter than they all are, but that's no excuse. I just told them to keep walking and I'd catch up eventually. It's really embarrassing to think about that day. I got some really good shots but damn it. I left an awful impression and I left rather embarrassed.

If you know me well enough or you've read my "About Me" page you know I work in a call center in Albany. Well, If I was in a hurry coming back from break at my heaviest weight, I would have to sit at my desk and catch my breath before I went back on the phone. Now I buzz around the office and can go back on the phone immediately.

This is a video of me touring the house I grew up in for the very last time before it was torn down. Notice all of the gasping for air! I had just eaten a really big breakfast, but still. I didn't realize I was doing that until I watched this video. How embarrassing. Notice how fat I was too.I may have been holding my head back because I was holding the camera in front of me, but I doubt it. This was May 2009, so I was near the highest weight of 385. Gotta love the bra strap showing :p

I of course no longer have those problems. Losing almost 100lbs will do that do you;-). I now walk very fast and keep up with and sometimes walk away from people because I walk so darned fast. I can just walk and walk and not need to stop and sit down! I also do not make any strange or disconcerting noises when I walk.  My body feels so free right now, and it's only going to get better as I lose more weight! I'm getting my life back. It's amazing how little life I did have and how fat was dominating my body. I was to the point that the mechanics of my body didn't function properly because of the fat. Amazing how much of a difference just walking without hindrance makes in one's quality of life.

Just a note: I'm getting my mojo back

When I look back at old pictures of myself I realize how cute I was and I wonder what ever happened to me. I thought losing my looks was a part of getting older. Well, it's because I was so fat because as I lose weight I feel that I'm getting my looks back. I'm aging in reverse too, according to my Mother and Husband. Of course as I lose more weight I'm starting to feel sexy again too;) I thought that I was losing that because of getting older too.

It's still kinda weird getting used to the new me. It helps that I spend more time looking at myself in the mirror now;-)

Awesome WW ad/Trouble on the horizon

This song was written with excerpts of interviews of the ladies in this video who are all Weight Watchers members!

It couldn't come at a better time. I feel myself starting to get out of control. Last night we ate at a diner and I ate until I was full. I had to keep pushing all of the food I didn't want to eat away from me. I'm usually OK with food being near me. While I was in the ladies room my brain popped back into old mode and said to me "Now I want ice cream". I didn't eat any ice cream but it's just scary and it's not as easy to resist food now. I used to be OK with eating one of something, like onion rings. Last night I had three! They were small, but still. Last night I didn't have a lot of points left this week or for that day. I was very careful. My husband was saying I hardly ate anything. When I "pointed up" I came in ten points under what I could have used.

The urges to eat more have been so strong lately. I'm hoping it's just a passing phase. I will fight to the death! I've been this way since Christmas. I thought it was just stress from the Holidays and after that it would subside. Well, work is very stressful right now because of a major overhaul where I work. People are calling in like crazy for changes we've been telling them about since August. There also is a new software change coming where I work. The last time I worked somewhere when there was a Software change it made my life a living hell. I hated my job from then on. I'm worried that my lovely work place might become a pretty miserable place to work. Another thing is I'm a temp and we don't know when we're going to be done. They have temps there that have been there for years. However, the change where I work is due to cuts and as a result fewer people will be using the services where I work so they probably won't need as many people on the phones.

So I guess I know it's stress. So far I have yet to go over my points or even consider doing that. It's just that the urges to eat are so strong and I'm eating faster now. Ugh. I'm trying to pep talk myself and it does work. I tell myself "Eating isn't going solve anything". Then I feel this tension release in my body and the urge is more controllable. Now only if I can REMEMBER to pep talk myself! Maybe I need to start going to meeting weekly instead of every other week. Bette, my WW Leader, will kick my *** into shape.

Hoping this is just a rough patch. I've worked so hard I'm not giving up easily. I'm stubborn like that. I'm trying to circumvent it by eating more fruit and making a few other changes. Here's hoping.

Photographing the Plus Sized Bride

I was a photographer in a former life

An example of my work.

Before I started this blog I was big into photography. I was trying to become a recognized art photographer. I have a just above entry level DSLR, which is a fancy way of saying "Expensive-less-than-professional-digital-camera-with-manual-modes-and-interchangeable-lenses". At current full list price It's a little more than 3.5 times more than a full price Cannon Powershot. Including my camera, I have equipment that is almost equal in value to what I make in a month. I've done portraits and even did a wedding.  I posted free photography offers on Craig's list to build my portfolio and had some takers! I did some local photography shows too. I even ordered business cards and registered my own domain name. At one point I even wanted to become a professional photographer. Being a pro is a lot harder than you think. I'm just happy having my photography on display and getting comments on Flickr. Although selling some prints would be cool too.;) Nevertheless, I have decided to put my photography career on the back burner for a while. I'm devoting that energy to this blog and losing weight. It's much more important, but I think you knew that;)

Whenever I do a portrait or something special by request I do research. For example, for the wedding I bought five books about wedding photography. I even scoured the Internet for all the advice I could find. There were your classic wedding portrait tips, equipment tips, how to photograph the ceremony, etc. Of course there is the "if someone is heavy or has a double chin, have them turn their head to the side. There was also, "if you want to photograph someone sitting, move them to the edge of what they are sitting on because it's more flattering". Well, whatever, I don't mind a little manipulation of my subject. However, I believe everyone is beautiful regardless of size, unless of course they are a total jerk or something. As they say, beauty is only skin deep. I've known plenty of "beautiful" people who opened their mouths and were reduced to very unattractive people in my eyes. 

I like to capture someone as natural as possible regardless of what they look like.  I couldn't believe what I came across while researching for the wedding. I found "Photographing the Plus Sized Bride". Well, I never knew it needed it's own special set of instructions.

This guy had advice on how to photograph plus sized brides. It wasn't just the things I mentioned above. It was things like:

Another example of my work.

"I notice that photographers in general tend to get discouraged when their subjects are overweight. They think that this will limit what they can do. I couldn’t disagree more. I am asked," do you lay the bride on the ground?""

That alone made me want to give up photography all together. He goes on to say:

"I use two principles to help cover up the poor fitting gown as well as the excess skin that will tend to make the subject look larger ""

He really likes to use the word "excess" 

Ignore the 'shop talk' in this one...

"I am using quadrants in the camera to detract her size as well as cutting into her with the crop..." 


He has her on the far right of frame looking back and he has literally cut the front of her out of the picture.

"I will use him to hide excess I don’t want the camera to see. I have covered 3/4 of her body with him. This pose would work if he were husky as well."

There's that word again..."excess" and even "husky"

"I moved the bride to the backside of the cake enlarging him and again covering excess I don’t want the camera to see. What a difference without the veil though" 

Once again "excess".  He had talked about using the veil to minimize the arms earlier in the page.

A picture I took on my wedding day in '07

I think you get the idea.
 

The thing that really got me was the tucking the bride underneath her father's armpit to make her appear smaller.

Keep in mind, this page had pictures. I know I'd be pissed if my wedding pictures  were used as an example of how to photograph someone who has "excess skin" as if she was some kind of horrible monster that only the photographer could turn in to a beautiful princess on her wedding day by making her bend over backwards.

At the bottom of the page, he goes on to sell his "How to Photograph the Plus Sized Bride" DVD for over 100 dollars. Um, well. It is really worth that much money? Do you really need to change the bride that much? Is she not beautiful as she is? Are plus sized women really so repulsive that you need to have her bend over backwards to make her look great?

The wedding I photographed was two plus sized brides, it was in Vermont. Needless to say I didn't make them do all those crazy things. I just captured their day and showed them for who they were, beautiful people on a very special day. My motto for my photography is "There's beauty everywhere"

It kinda makes me wonder. I've been a plus sized bride twice. The photographer at my first wedding was a teacher from my high school who had a photography business on the side. I am the same size now that I was back then, in 1996, a 22/24.

Me dancing with my Grandfather my first wedding

At my first wedding I didn't have any crazy things to do to look thinner. I didn't even have a well fitting dress, I didn't go the big white dress route. The photographer took the pictures like any other photographer would. That tells me that not every photographer is obsessed with "covering excess".

The second time I got married was in  2007. I was pretty close to being the biggest I ever was and I don't like looking at all of the pictures, but hey, I am who I am and I looked like I did. There is no way of getting around it. The photographers at that wedding were the guests. We only had nine people in attendance. That included the justice of the peace and his wife, whom notarized the paperwork.

It's like "Yes to the Dress: Big Bliss". Why do they need a separate show for large women? Are they afraid of offending people? Why can't they just include them in the regular show? Frankly I think it's discriminatory. Are they afraid of losing ratings? Are there any other wedding dress shows out there really?!

 No matter how thin I get I'm still going to think people of all sizes are beautiful just the way they are. Everyone has their own way of living. When I photograph someone I am not there to make them look good. They look great the way they are. There is no need to manipulate a subject! Yes, pose them or make them tilt their head, whatever. I prefer to just let my subject be and do what they like and then when I find a moment that is particularly beautiful I capture it. There are beautiful moments every day in life. Too bad there's not enough time, cameras or photographers to capture them all or people to recognize them.

Eveready Diner

Note: All pictures in this entry were taken by me.

So there this place in Hyde Park, NY called the Eveready Diner. It's been featured on Diners, Drive-ins and Dives on Food Network:

Eveready Diner is this really cool, kinda upscale diner. I've been there many times. I'll be honest there are times we have gone when it's not very good. However, a bad day at Eveready is like a good day at the average diner. Most of the time the food is amazing and today was one of those days.

They have a new location in Rhinebeck, NY. I like the new location. It's closer to the Capital Region by about twenty minutes, the one in Hyde Park is about an hour from Albany. Sometimes my husband and I will just go to Eveready in Hyde Park on a whim. It's so worth the trip. Today was my first visit to the new location. It's a former Rolling Rock Cafe, no, nothing to do with the beer, not that I know at least. It doesn't quite have the charm of the original Eveready Diner because of the lack of the chrome, glass and checkerboard floor and look of an actual diner. However, there's plenty of neon and metal letters just like the original diner. This Eveready is more of a rustic Adirondacks-meets-diner look. There are a lot of wood beams on the walls and ceiling. Lots of very large retro posters and pictures on the wall. We sat next to that famous picture of the sailor and nurse kissing in Times Square on V-J Day. The picture on the wall had to be at least five feet high. It is very cool place. They even have a bar, just like the original diner. Yep the original diner has a full bar, but not like you'd think. There's not a huge counter that is solely for the bar at the original diner, but you can see the liquor bottles on the glass shelves behind the counter.  You can get wine, mixed drinks or even a beer with your meal. You probably thought the idea of breakfast at a diner all day was awesome. Well, I think, even if I don't drink a lot, that having a full bar at a diner is even cooler. I think it gives it an air of sophistication. Regardless of what the place looks like, I was there for the food!

I had the Eggs Benedict. As I've mentioned in one of my previous posts I love Eggs Benedict. I've eaten them so many times I guess you could say I'm an aficionado. These were perhaps the best I've ever had. The Benedict was on a Jumbo English Muffin. Bad enough that regular Eggs Benedict are enough points for like three meals. The poached eggs had runny centers. Exactly the way I like them! The Canadian bacon, or maybe ham, was so tasty and tender. The holandaise was fantastic. Then there were of course the home fries. I couldn't resist them! I'm not a big home fries person. To me, home fries tend to be pretty boring and uniform, and of course as the name implies they are fried. However, everything I've eaten at  Eveready has been good so  I had to try them. They were amazing. They had onion in them and I'm not sure what else. However, I might put money on the fact that those home fries might have had some cayenne pepper in them. Just enough for flavor. They did not need any salt on them like the ones I ate the day after Christmas. For the record, I hardly ever add salt to my food. The highlight of the meal, for both me and my husband, was the orange juice. I took one sip of it and said to him "It's freshly squeezed". I almost doubted it but then I looked around and saw the juicer on the counter near the back of the dinning room. The juicer was complete with oranges in a row going in to the machine. If you look at the picture of the interior of the restaurant (first one on the left) you can see the juicer, it's blocked a bit by the lamp on the right.

I ate everything on my plate and they have huge plates. I've been eating fruit all day to make up for it. In total it was almost an entire day worth of points, but that's the beauty of this plan, I have 49 extra weekly points I can do whatever I want with. I used six of them today. This was our first time out to eat in 2012. What a great way to start the year!

On another note. I went to my meeting tonight and I've lost 1.6 pounds, since the Monday before Christmas.  So I've officially survived the holidays my first year on the plan! Yay! I wonder if I would have weighed less if I hadn't eat so much this morning. I usually eat a big dinner, not breakfast. Oh, well, at least I lost. 2.6lbs left till the 50lb mark and 4.6lbs left till the 100lb mark. I'm so excited! Can't wait to celebrate the 100 mark with my husband and my friends! You will of course here about that right here on this blog! Thanks for reading!

Just a note: A slight error

Ok, so I wanted my first entry in 2012 to be a little more monumental than this, but it has come to my attention that I have the wrong name in my list of favorite actors in my "Favorite Things" page. It should be Robert Marien not Michael Legrand! I saw Robert Marien in the Canadian tour of Les Miserables in the 90's. Even if I can't remember his name, he is still one of my favorite stage actors. His portrayal of Jean Valjean left a huge impression on me in the 90's when I saw him. Here he is singing the big show stopper "Bring Him Home" from Les Miserables in English and French. I saw the full production in English.

Other than that, Happy New Year!