When I walked at 385, I waddled and I couldn't put my arms down by my side because I was just so fat. My Mom's best friend says that I would grunt while I walked at my highest weight. I also used to sit down a lot and I would walk slowly. I was also out of breath very easily.
Summer of 2010 I did some photography for the band Moxie. It was a hot day in June and we were walking around downtown Albany. I couldn't keep up. Granted, I'm shorter than they all are, but that's no excuse. I just told them to keep walking and I'd catch up eventually. It's really embarrassing to think about that day. I got some really good shots but damn it. I left an awful impression and I left rather embarrassed.
If you know me well enough or you've read my "About Me" page you know I work in a call center in Albany. Well, If I was in a hurry coming back from break at my heaviest weight, I would have to sit at my desk and catch my breath before I went back on the phone. Now I buzz around the office and can go back on the phone immediately.
This is a video of me touring the house I grew up in for the very last time before it was torn down. Notice all of the gasping for air! I had just eaten a really big breakfast, but still. I didn't realize I was doing that until I watched this video. How embarrassing. Notice how fat I was too.I may have been holding my head back because I was holding the camera in front of me, but I doubt it. This was May 2009, so I was near the highest weight of 385. Gotta love the bra strap showing :p
I of course no longer have those problems. Losing almost 100lbs will do that do you;-). I now walk very fast and keep up with and sometimes walk away from people because I walk so darned fast. I can just walk and walk and not need to stop and sit down! I also do not make any strange or disconcerting noises when I walk. My body feels so free right now, and it's only going to get better as I lose more weight! I'm getting my life back. It's amazing how little life I did have and how fat was dominating my body. I was to the point that the mechanics of my body didn't function properly because of the fat. Amazing how much of a difference just walking without hindrance makes in one's quality of life.
hey Wendy,
ReplyDeleteI am just beginning my epic weightloss journey and am doing a homemade version of weight watchers but find that my eating isnt the issue. i just cant find the motivation to exercise. i feel so embarrassed to walk in public.
did you struggle with that? how did you overcome it? any tips on exercise you can share? i realize your biggest issue is food but id like ot hear more about your exercise regime :) i.e. how did the exercise start for you at 385lbs? how long were your walks? how many in a week? etc.
thank you for sharing your journey!
First let me apologize for this really long reply. Blogger will only allow so many characters in a reply so I will have to reply at least twice. With that said, here ya go.
DeleteI'll be honest, I just recently started to really exercise. I try to walk every other day and I do about 2.5 miles every day. My first week on WW I did try to walk and I didn't even do 1/4 mile. It was really disappointing, shocking, and I was pretty embarrassed that I couldn't do that much. I didn't want to be out there walking either because at that stage it was so hard. I really doubted my ability for so long. However, today I did two hikes today for a total of five miles.
Now I know Weight Watchers would not endorse what I'm about to say, but in my opinion, there's nothing wrong with not exercising at first. I know it's bad. I was going to wait until my first plateau. I probably should have been exercising all along because of the extra skin I have right now. I may be past the point of no return with some of it right now. However, there's nothing I can do about it now, but I am really enjoying moving now.
Even if I didn't start really exercising til just recently, I have lost weight many times before so I understand the whole exercise thing. I know when I did "Deal a Meal" I did "Sweatin' To The Oldies" and those are pretty easy and they're still out there. Every time I've lost weight I've pretty much had a problem with motivation.
Your best bet is to start out with small goals. Try to go out walking for a few minutes at time and you don't have to walk every day. Even if you walk once a week and then the next week you walk for two days and build up until you're walking every other day. Also I would push yourself a bit at times, but don't push yourself to the point you never want to go back out to walk. I'd also keep track of your stats. For example, if one day you do a half a mile in X minutes, try to get further in that time or do a half a mile in a shorter time.
DeleteI wouldn't worry about what other people think about you! Get out there for yourself. Yes, it might be hard at first but after a while it will be easier. I promise. If you don't want to be seen you can wear a hat and sunglasses. Try to find a t-shirt that has an inspirational saying on it and wear that. I find another thing that helps is music. Whether you listen on your Ipod, Walkman, cellphone, whatever works for you. However, you may want to listen to birds chirping too. It's up to you. I know that I listened to the Meat Loaf song "Alive" four times on my 2.5 mile walk the other day because I needed the push to get home. Whatever works for you. Make it your own!
I am working on a post about inspirational songs for workouts. I know that "I Will Survive" by Gloria Gaynor, "It's My Life" by Bon Jovi, and "Alive" by Meat Loaf will be on that list. Sometimes all I need for walking inspiration is a good strong driving beat too.
Don't be embarrassed. You're doing it for yourself and nobody else. Those people don't have to carry your weight around. They don't feel the pain you feel. They don't have to live in your body. You do and you're the only one who counts when it comes to exercising. You're the only one who can help yourself. I know some people who love to walk because they're by themselves and all they have to worry about is themselves! It's their "Me time". Also, I find having a destination really helps. Like walking to the corner store to get something. Walk to the library. Whatever works for you. Walking in a beautiful place can really help too. I don't advocate hiking in the woods alone, but if there is a nearby park you can go to, even if you have to drive there, that is a good option. My destination when I walk is home. I start at home, and walk around the "block". You should also know that since I decided to try and become a 46r I have a goal I want to reach and that pushes me to get out there. I have a five mile hike I'm doing in August and I'm working toward that. The longest hike I will have to do to become a 46r is 18 miles round trip. I know it will happen, probably split in to two days, just not real soon. I have 45 other mountains to climb too ;-) I know there will be a day I walk to the next town over. I'm gonna meet my husband for lunch at one our favorite spots. That will be a five mile walk. He'll be driving me home that day ;)
If you're too embarrassed to be seen out walking, you may want to consider other things you can do in your house. You can just turn on some really good music and dance around the house, or in a room, alone. There are also a lot of really good exercise programs out there you can get on DVD. Even if you can't keep up at first, keep trying. A little movement is better than none at all.
So, that's all I can say about exercise. That's why I don't write about exercise a lot and it's such a big deal that I walk so much and hike. I hope I don't seem like a hypocrite or a big phony. I hope this helps. I am thrilled that you asked me! Please do not hesitate to ask me anything else. I wish you the best of luck! Please keep in touch. I'd love to know about your progress!
PS: If nothing else, be proud of yourself for wanting to make the change in your life.
DeleteWendy,
DeleteI applaud and admire how honest you have been. Thank you for your kind words, you brought tears to my eyes :) it was just what i needed yesterday, to happen upon your blog. i cant even remember how i did happen on it now.
I weigh 384lbs right now and started my journey 5 weeks ago at 388lbs, lost 4lbs the first week and am just coasting at 384.
that first week i did 3, 30 minute walks and did some kind of house activity on the other days and had one day off. then i strained my ankle and had to rest it for two weeks and some other things popped up. also, i came up with excuses.
let me say im doing this in conjunction with therapy which i reccommend to any and everyone! im lucky to have a therapist who reduced her rate to take me on, whom i see weekly and is my mentor on this journey.
i read the article on food portions from the mayo clinic you linked to and i think im going to try their reduced caloric regime partnered with some kind of exercise. see how it goes. i likeyour idea of writing down goals and making it like a competition with myself to beat my times. i think ill do that with the bike. itll play to the slight competitive side i have :)
i spent most of my night reading/scanning through all of your posts to catch up on your journey. i thoroughly enjoyed and could empathize with your life at 385 series. i am experiencing all of those things now.and i just want it to change. it will change!
thank you again for sharing everything! knowing im not alone in this is itself motivating. knowing someone has been able to do it from this point is inspirational. i know now i really can do this.
thank you thank you thank you.
Deleteplease keep the life at 385 series going. i am struggling with all of it, exactly and its nice to know im not the only one.
Well as far as the life at 385 series, I feel as though I am running out of material. However, I do intend on continuing it. I see a therapist too, I've been seeing him since 2007 and I really believe that seeing him is probably the reason I came upon the point in my life to finally do this.
DeleteI'm so glad you like my suggestions and I'm so glad I helped. I sprained my ankle years ago so badly that I had to walk with a cane for at least a month. That was a horrible time. I can understand not wanting to get out again.
Another thing I should have suggested is some people like to walk buildings or to exotic locations. Sounds strange, but you can find out how tall all of the tallest buildings are in the world and walk them. You could also get a map and plot a point you've always wanted to go and then keep track of your miles and "walk there".
I love that you can connect with my story. So glad I can be an inspiration to you. I'm very flattered.
your ideas are great. i wish we had tall buildings here haha! i am a displaced Canadian. I live in Ireland in a smallish town. Ireland doesnt have tall buildings, nor are they any malls near by. unfortunately we dont have a car so i cant even drive to the only walking trail on the otherside of town. but we do have a recumbant bike that i cant use. and i plan on using.
ReplyDeletethank you , again :)
The tallest building here is the Corning Tower, it's the tallest building in New York State, outside of NYC. lol. The tall buildings thing was to find out how tall your favorite buildings are. For example, I love the Empire State building and it is 1,454 feet tall. Take that and turn it in to miles and that's about 1/4 of a mile so walking up and down the building would be about half a mile and you could keep adding buildings to the list. For example, when I do my 2.5 mile walk I walk the height of the empire state building five times. There's also trying to find out how far you are from somewhere and "walk there". From my home to Paris, "as the crow flies" is 3540 miles. I could take my 2.5 miles I walk and keep chipping away at that distance until I "walk" to Paris. We've got a mall nearby. Well, two actually, and I would rather not walk in the mall. I'd rather walk outside. Where I walk isn't too beautiful, but I get my Ipod going and it's great! When I hike I don't use my Ipod. I love the sounds of nature.
DeleteBTW, I love visiting Canada. I've been to Toronto, Ottawa and Montreal. As it says on my "About me" page, Montreal is my "Canadian hometown". I've spent lots of time there. I also have blood in my veins from my Ancestors who helped settle Canada.
I've never been across the ocean but I do want to go to Ireland some day because of my husband's ancestry. Also, my Mom and Aunt have been there and I'd love to go there.